TW: if you’re easily triggered by other people talking about how bad their mental state and going into detail is please scroll on I just want to have someone that I can honestly talk about how I’m doing to... I want to be able to go into detail about how horrible my mental state is with out having to worry if they’ll cut the conversation short or will derail the conversation. I want someone to be there for me and support me when I’m feeling low. I was talking to my partner today about my current mental state and they ended up ending the conversation short due to their own mental health. I just want someone to be there for me when I need them the most... I want to feel like I can trust someone with my emotions and mental state.... I just want to feel loved again. I want to stop wanting to kill myself and I want to stop feeling guilty for feeling that way because I’ll probably never actually do it because I would never want to inflict the trauma of finding my body onto someone. And as much as my parents have hurt me I wouldn’t want them to never know what happened to me if I went off somewhere and killed myself where no one would find me. It would probably destroy my brother if I did kill myself. As much as I want to do it I just can’t. But I’m tired of living in the terrible mental state that I’m in. I’ve been depressed since middle school. I’ve tried so many different things to get better/make it more manageable... but nothing works and I’m tired... I don’t know how much longer I can keep pushing though this... I’m lonely, tired, and I’m not okay... I just want to feel okay again.

1 year ago

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