help i need answer i need help on what to do.

i fucked up, im trying to fix it but nothing seems to work. i've lied to him so i understand why he doesnt believe me but when i tell the truth he doesnt wanna believe it i dont know what to do anymore, i hurt him and that what i never wanted to do, im drunk and writing on here . im scared to lose him, he's helped me in so many ways, i try to prove to him im doing better and that im gonna do better for him, i feel like im losing myself trying to make him believe me, i lost myself before and it was bad i never wanna do that again. im really trying here but its so hard