I’m a 22 year old woman. I wake up every day feeling more than most people feel throughout their lifetime. My borderline personality disorder chews me up and spits me out daily, and despite being engaged I have literally no one to talk to about it. I try and I either feel guilty for venting or it starts arguments. I told her I’ve been feeling suicidal last week and she got genuinely angry at me because she has this crazy fear of death and acted like I was being inconsiderate for telling her. I sobbed for like an hour and asked for reassurance but I was (again) told she didn’t have it in her to reassure me at that point. I dropped out of college and moved to Ohio last May from Massachusetts to escape an abusive home situation but I feel even more alone here than I did there. I have crippling social anxiety so bonding with her family has been difficult (they’re nice though). This is the longest period of time I’ve been without therapy (I started at 12, I’m now 22 and have been here a year with no therapy due to insurance bullshit). I struggle with two eating disorders, PTSD, borderline personality disorder, social anxiety, depression, generalized anxiety, intrusive thoughts and insomnia. I am entirely codependent with my fiancée and it causes me so much anxiety every day I often have to force myself to finish days. I am too afraid to make a therapy appointment (I’m afraid of phone calls) so I needed a place to speak. This is the lowest place I’ve been in in a very long time. I am so tired of struggling. I have no friends (not a single one) and both of my parents are abusive addicts I don’t speak to. I am someone who can’t keep things inside but have had to for a while and it’s killing me.
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