What should I do? About a year ago I would meet up with my friends on a weekly to biweekly basis. I had been going there for close to six years and I considered these people my best friends. We would play rpgs and tabletop games like dungeons and dragons and it was honestly a blast. Then the dm: lets call him J, and the owner of the house, invited a couple of online people to join us and one of them was a self-proclaimed A-hole. He was especially mean to me, telling me to shut up, calling me annoying, mocking me if I failed at something in game all in front of the other players. I talked with J several times about how I didnt like to play with him, and how uncomfortable I felt, and nothing was ever done. Then suddenly the roles changed. A-hole took the role of the character I had been playing (a front line rogue responsible for disarming traps and scouting ahead) and I made sarcastic remarks whenever he failed. Nothing too mean more like "oh nooooo. I hope hes not huuuurt." Very sarcastic but played off as funny. I was starting to recover and have fun again after months of feeling sick everytime I had to interact with this bully. No one seemed to mind so I thought 'ok, i can work up from here'. A few weeks go by and J pulls me aside and says "you should take a break. I dont think you're enjoying the game and you're making everyone anxious. Dont come over for a while until you sort yourself out." I was shocked. I asked these people to be my maid of honor and officiator for my wedding. His wife was my best friend. I was like an aunt to their 3 kids. My fiancé was J's Best man at his wedding. I stopped going, and found out a-hole was moved to another game on another day. I was shattered. I hated myself. I couldn't trust them or myself anymore. I swung wildly to blaming everything on me to them. After a few weeks I resigned that these people weren't my friends and if they asked for me to come back I might consider it for their kids, but our relationship was back to level 0. We were now strangers at best. About a month passed and J approaches me again and says "you know youre welcome whenever you want to come back. You're family." I almost lost it. They call me family after kicking me out when all I did was treat someone the same way they treated me? I looked at him and said "Im not coming back." And he left, baffled. We talked a little and I explained how hurt I was and J admitted he could have handled the situation better, but that was it. No apology. Another month goes by and I decide I should get back on the horse because I want to continue to be civil towards these people for my Fiance's sake, but when I arrived everything went back to normal. I dont even know if the other gaming people know why I was gone for so long or who -if anyone- was uncomfortable with me. Everyone acted as if I had been there the whole time (except the kids who were super excited to see me) and we just . . . Relapsed back to normal. Its been about 6 months and with covud the situations sort of stalled . . . But im not sure what to do to make them understand we're not friends anymore and we've NEVER been family. I don't know what to do and I feel like its going to explode soon when we come back and they go back to treating me like Ive always been there. Am i in the wrong? What should I do?

2 years ago

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