i think i might be in love with one of my friends. I’m a bisexual girl and so is my friend, so I know it’s not wrong of me to like her because there is a possibility she could like me back but for some reason I feel so guilty thinking about it, because i know i’m not her type and don’t want to be weird. When I first met her we were in the same class freshman year of college. She was so beautiful (she still is) and had such an untouchable aura about her. Everyone who met her was mesmerized by her and was simultaneously intimidated by her, including myself. I actually disliked her at first because she was so cool and sexy and and aloof i was convinced she was a just a judgmental mean girl. But then she chose to sit next to me in our class, and chose me as a project partner, and I got to know her. And she was clumsy, and awkward, and anxious. She overthought everything and snorted at her own jokes, and couldn’t cook for shit. And I couldn’t believe she wanted to be my friend. Sometimes I would walk her home after spending a long night working on our project and I would just watch and listen to her talk about something funny that happened to her today, in awe at how someone could be so effortlessly pretty while being so painfully awkward. We became fast friends, spending time together almost constantly, and as time went by we became even closer. Now we can barely go a few days separate from each other without wanting to hang out. It’s funny looking back at how intimidated by her I was, given the person I know her to be now. But I’m still just as nervous to see her as I was in the beginning. It didn’t change how desperately I want her to think I’m beautiful and cool. Because I think she is. Our mutual friends and acquaintances have made jokes and comments about how they thought we were dating, but we always laugh them off. She tells them she doesn’t date her friends and I try my best to not look at her like she hung the moon.

2 years ago

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