I have never told anyone this or even said it out loud but I don’t think I can keep it in much longer. When I was around 10 or 11 years old the person who I thought was my best friend sexually assaulted me. I didn’t realise until recently that what they did was sexual assault and I had somehow hidden the memory for years. They had discovered porn a few nights before they came to my house for a sleep over and they told me about it. At first they tried to make me watch lesbian porn with them but I refused as we were both young and even though I never really knew what they were doing I knew we were way too young to be watching them. Eventually they stopped trying to make me watch it and instead told me that we should practice kissing. Again, I refused and said that I didn’t like them like that but they kept saying that it would be good practice and I would enjoy it. I thought it would be a quick peck at most so I reluctantly gave in but they forced their tongue into my mouth and wouldn’t let me move away. I didn’t know what French kissing was at the time so I was extremely confused and scared about what was happening. They then made me lie down on my bed, ignoring my protests, and continue to French kiss me while they rubbed themselves against me and touching my private parts through my leggings. They continued to do it every day for another 3 days, purposely ignoring me when I begged them to stop. Finally things were getting back to normal and they acted as though nothing happened until about a week later when they took off my shirt and started to suck at my breasts. My parents were downstairs and I had to keep quiet incase they caught us. I was so scared. I didn’t know what was happening or if it was normal but it made me feel dirty and used. This only happened one time but it was by far the worst thing they had done to me. I wanted to tell someone about what was happening but I was scared that I would get them into trouble because I still thought they were my best friend. Ever since I remembered the event I’ve been having nightmares. I don’t know what to do or if I should talk to anyone. I can’t help but feeling like it’s somehow my fault even though it was so long ago and I was so young. I hope that having wrote this on here will help me properly heal instead of keeping it bottled up inside for the rest of my life. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I’m sorry if I wasted your time but I just needed to finally get this out.
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