i dont think i ever remember feeling this awful. huge life changes are happening and I thought the one constant i had was enough but he left me too. My mom is such a bitch and disregards every single thing I say. I even told her straight up "this is a cry for help I am suffering" and she laughed at me. I have no one and I am so alone and my body is so ugly I cant stand to look at it. I cry at every mirror I see I think I need actual help but I don't know where to start because my mother wont help me and I cant tell anyone else about it because I am alone. I just want this boy back but he cant be in a relationship or something but he used me for sex and I feel so stupid and disgusted with myself. I feel used and I cant even be mad at him about it for some reason. I know if he could be emotionally available he would choose me but I cant help but think there is someone or something else holding him back from being with me. I have never felt this pressure in my life and I keep using weed to cope with it but I'm running out and cant get more because I don't have a job or a car and the person who used to get it for me hates me now. My mom also keeps pressuring me to do that. I also have to fix my car because its so fucked up and I cant drive it and I need surgery done that I have to figure out on my own. I am 17, i feel so overwhelmed and I have no idea how to dig myself out of this. i start college in the fall and my mother called me a financial burden for having a broken car, needing surgery, and starting school at the same time like it was my fault. the pressure is unbearable and I don't know how much longer I can go on.

2 years ago

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