I usually don’t write on websites because I’m afraid to. That’s apart of my issue. I’m such a coward. I’m always afraid of what people think of me. Two years ago, the friend group I was apart of stopped talking to me completely. I would go to the bathroom and cry everyday before class started and I had to see them laugh and talk together like I wasn’t even missed. I was also replaced by another girl who really didn’t like me for some reason. She would always embarrass me in front of my old friends and when I had class with her she’d do things to get me in trouble. That entire experience messed up my view of myself. I never spoke up to her. I let myself be mistreated and replaced. Recently, I’ve lost the last close friendship I had. I’ve also gone to a new school. Every morning I step foot in the hallways I think about killing myself. I don’t have friends and I can’t imagine people actually wanting to get to know me. And even if they wanted to, I wouldn’t say much, I’m afraid they won’t like the person I am. I am becoming more and more afraid of what I’ll do to myself because I can feel my self-esteem deteriorating. I don’t want to go back to school because it hurts to see everyone talking to their friends and me sitting alone. The closest thing I have to a best friend is a pillow that I talk to. I feel like such a puny, pathetic, and embarrassing mess. I just wish I could have one close friend again but I’m at a point where I can’t believe anyone would want to know me unless it was out of pity.

2 years ago

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