I remember the last time we hung out. The last time I looked her in the eyes with genuine love for her. I was in so much pain. My heart hurt so bad. I remember looking up at her, my eyes begging her to love me the way I loved her. She was my everything. She was the most genuine best friend I've ever had. I adored her. I would ball my eyes out at the near thought of her leaving me, which she would always answer with, "I love you, I'm not going anywhere." Well, spoiler alert, she left me. Just like I always feared. I felt her slip away, it was so slow at first I barely noticed, but as time went by, her afternoon visits got shorter and shorter, our weekend adventures became less frequent, and our midnight calls went from three hours to three minutes. I believed she was my soulmate, and maybe in a different world, I wouldn't have let her go. It was so painful, a type of pain I can barely describe in words. Her hug is better than anyone else's. Her smile meant everything to me. I would give anything to hear her stupid laugh again. I often found myself lost in her eyes. Her beautiful giant blue-green eyes. Her long blonde hair that went everywhere when she took it out of a messy bun. She was my everything, my first thought in the morning, and my last at night. And if I could go back in time, I wished I could've held her. I needed her and she needed me. But I was too much. And she couldn't hold onto me, and I had to let her go. Accepting that she no longer wanted nor needed me was the most heart wrenching feeling in the world. She had given me a purpose in life, she was my purpose. I lived everyday to make her happy, and I screwed it up. I screwed up my one reason living. And she left me. But I hope she's happy, everyone says she's happier than she's ever been. While I laid in bed, as broken as I've ever been. She fought every last tear, every last fight she had in her to get her where she is now. I truly could not be more proud of her. As much as I want to hate her for what she put me through, I can't help but admire the way she lives to be happy. Even if it put me through Hell.

1 year ago

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