My step mom is an absolute bitch.

Im not really sure where to start, im in grade 10, and since the third grade, ive had a hatred for my step mom that ive never felt for anyone else. Starting from creating lies about my real mother, body shaming me in elementary school and making me grow up insecure and now underweight for my age, making my dad choose over me and my sister and her, and ruining relationships with my friends. She herself has two kids, one a year younger than me (my step sister), and one only two years old, my half brother. Becuse of early life trauma, I have developed severe anxiety, depression, and bipolar. And its really hard to controll those things. Throughout middle school, I went in and out of mental hospitals 6 times, for trying to take my life. Starting high school, I still didn´t have any way to control my mental problems, but instead of hurting myself, I started vaping and smoking weed and actually popping pills and shit. Now, I have a bad substance abuse problem. Actually, currenty writing this atm im high lol. And my parents figured out about me sneaking out, skippign school, vaping and smoking weed but don´t know about me popping pills. Ive been grounded for forever. Only me and my blood sister act out. My sister is only 11 and acts just as bad as me, but my step moms children are perfectly fine. Thats because they grew up with a normal childhood. So after they figure out I was doing this stuff, I called out my step mom on everything and told her I wouldn´t be this way if it wasnt for her. Blah blah blah we got into a huge argument and I told my dad to take me to my moms. Heres a piece of info, my dad and step mom divorced 3 different times because of her emotionally abusing us. Shes gotten better, but if she never did that in the first place I think id be a much better child. I mean teens are going to do stupid stuff yes, but I don´t think I would be this bad if she never emotionally traumautized me in the freaking third grade and all throughout middle school. But back to whenever I went to my moms because of me and her arguing. She told my dad, ¨its them, or its me¨. And this time, my dad chose her. Im not sure if its because last time they got a divorce she threatened to take my half brother away from my dad, or if he genuenly doesnt want me or my sister in his life anymore. So, now I live with my mom. And it hasnt really helped my substance abuse problem, because now im yk kinda addicted lol, but im not sneaking out or skipping school anymore even though I really want to.