I don't even know where to begin, I guess I can talk about the things that have been going on more recently. Over the past month I'd say I've been talking to my friend in discord and he was talking about this girl that's in our discord server and they went to prom together and eventually they stopped talking. And recently i'm starting to catch feelings for her and it's not good because I know it's not mutual it's always been like that in my life and I don't know how to cope because I can't tell her and the discord server were in has all guys which like her it's pretty obvious and I highly doubt I'm anything special. I don't know why I even think about her it's upsetting. My family life is garbage my mom overdosed right in front of me and my grandma. and my grandma was the one that raised me pretty much and she passed away on my birthday. My dad is a raging alcoholic and abused me for most of my life. I had to be adopted because neither one of my parents could care for me. It's just someone like doesn't need love right? I mean I went through most of my life without it. I harmed myself more timed than I can count and I have also attempted suicide twice. I just don't love and happiness is something im ever going to get and I guess i'll have to accept that but this always stays in my mind and I can't get her out. Why does this have to happen? Why do I always fall for the same thing? I guess I'll never learn from the number of times my heart has been broken.
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