emotions fly everywhere. i tried. i tried so hard to explain to you how my mind needs a break. all you did was tell me how much YOU need a break, and disregarded me, again. it’s hurting me so bad. i try everything to get you to understand that i need my mom at this point. i need you to be here and comfort me. you KNOW that i need a break. so do you. it’s killing me inside how you make it seem like you don’t really care at all how i feel. all you talk about is you, you, you. so just disregard me. everything is gonna be about how you’re struggling, and you’re just gonna sit and disregard everything i said. i become vulnerable, and describe how i’m feeling. then it gets disregarded, or put in the trash. it’s always “ari.. not now. i’m tired and i need a break” or “ari stop saying i. the answer is no” etc. the one time i ask you for a break, you don’t care. you don’t care because you don’t see what happens every day. i get up, from being awake like 5 times through my sleep. i’ forced to act has happy as i can be, or my “attitude” needs to change. i log onto school. i then sit on 5 zooms, 45 mins - 1 hr each, for 6 hours a day. maybe a 10 minute break if i’m lucky. then, after school, end of the year work. capstone project, projects for the honor roll assembly, RELA work, studying for tests next week, etc. then. i come home. “clean this kitchen” or “clean this room”. no space in your heart to give me a break. i do the things you ask. then i get yelled at for forgetting the smallest thing, or not feeling like it, because i’m mentally exhausted. i then proceed to go to my room and sit on my phone, to chill. “ARIANNA. GET OFF THAT D*MN PHONE AND COME DO……..” it’s like a never-ending exhausting day/night. then. i shower and lay down. it’s around 9 pm now. no time to watch tiktok, only watch tv to put me to sleep. then i repeat this, 5 days a week. i asked you for one break. one break. and then its “i need a break… i do _____.. and you’re ungrateful… “ etc. all because i asked for a break. today was maybe the most exhausting day. you send me upstairs for crying. because i was getting yelled at. maybe 5 times today. because i asked for a break? wow. if only you could see things from my pov. it’s not fair how you treat me. you push me around. i have to clean the kitchen. i have to fix my room. i have to sweep. i have to clean everything and then i get treated like a maid, getting you things and forced to say yes, or it’s disrespect. and i asked for one day off. one day. to sleep in, and relax. take my time, no rush. not stare at a screen for 6 hours. not have to study for tests. not have to do pointless work. nothing is good enough and i’m tired of it. for all that, i have been emotionally and mentally scarred.

2 years ago

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