I’m stuck in lockdown Rn, I’ve been stuck inside for 5 weeks straight. I haven’t seen my boyfriend and my family is driving me to inanity, not in that “omg my family so stupid haha” kind of way. I full on can’t take it anymore, I had a massive anxiety attack 2 weeks ago where I pretty much fainted. It was so scary it’s seriously not just like falling asleep. Everything in your body gets hot and cold, you lose control of your muscles, you wet yourself, you go deaf and kinda blind for a bit, all you can see is static and you hyperventilate and your legs get weak to the point where you can’t feel anything but at the same time you can feel everything. You get super sweaty and scared and it still freaks me out even tho to some it isn’t that big a deal. I desperately need to see my bf in real life, he’s the only thing helping me through this, I just want to be in his arms again and hear his voice next to my ear. I’m constantly scared and idk what to do anymore. I’ve painted, baked, eaten, slept, bondage watching movies and shows over and over again, and everything else I can think of. It doesn’t help that my brother non stop makes me feel like shit, parents are having marital issues, I can’t find motivation for anything anymore, I’m a numb rag doll and the worst part is that no one seems to care other than my boyfriend but I feel like I’m annoying him and I’ve talked to him and he’s reassured me that it’s ok and that he understand which helps. But I haven’t showered in days, I cry non stop, my anxiety is driving me nuts and idk what to do and I can’t do anything. Protests near where I live had made things a lot worse cause lockdowns most likely gonna be a lot longer cause of those fuck wits. I’m going insane and everyday is blessing together I can’t do anything good for myself and the only thing or person pretty much keeping me alive is my boyfriend. I thought this was gonna be a quick little lockdown but it’s gonna keep going on forever and it scares me. I’ve talked to mu parents about getting a therapist again but they told me to “see how things go” which is annoying cause things just keep getting worse.

1 year ago

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