whenever I start to get that empty feeling I fixate on all the bad things that have happened in my life. I don't know if its selfish to feel traumatised from witnessing or being aware of what has happened to the people around me, but how can I not be affected when I have been exposed to it my entire life? there is an emotion I feel when I realise that my childhood experience was vastly different from what would be heathy, its frustrating when I think about all the times I struggled but never put it together and realise that my behaviours were and still are a product of how I grew up. I know that I love my family but there are times where I don't feel like I am myself and I get this hatred towards them. it makes me feel like i have no connection towards them and they suddenly mean nothing to me but the reason for all of my anger and hurt.
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