im just so lonely i cant even begin to explain, god im on the verge of tears, tonight i erased my old email full of so many memories, good and bad i went back into the past a reawakened my experience with someone who was acted as a pedophile to me i feel manipulated, alone, sad, depressed i have a significant other but hes just so caught up in his own shit im so upset at him too i need someone to talk to and when i need him the most he's off taking summer classes and some shit, all of the sudden not even having ONE minute to talk with me thats just one of the things that make me so soso mad i mean, god i love him with all my heart and i just know hes the one im gonna marry, but its hard when he just does this to me, and slowly seperates from me am i just not comfortable to be around? i blame it on being away from online activity for two years jaden, the one who i love, the one who is too busy for me, doesnt even want to face time or talk with me on the phone because hes insecure of his face and voice honestly!! doesnt he understand im a terrible texter and i'll never get my feelings across unless its through voice?? i just WISH so BADLY that i could do something about this but everything is so out of my reach i kind of want to be held, or loved, or anything i keep having bad dreams of jaden, about me seeing him again and him just pushing me away on the spot or me trying to be friendly, but him trying to push me away again i feel disconnected, lost, and so so so alone im such a nice person but why does everybody have to manipulate me like this? i cant text correctly even if my life depended on it,, but im such a great conversationist and talker in real life, when will i get to rpove myself to everyone?? and back to the old email topic, now im just sad again because of that i deleted everything having to do with that email but it still haunts me im scared, but tonight i sit in my bed, cuddled with my dog nala, watching my tv series, and crying over how lonely i am goodnight everyone, stay safe ranting like this kind of helped but i'm still lonely :^ im fifteen by the way, just turned it and yeah, i dont have friends, but thats not because im constantly stuck playing video games or something, its because im not online enough nobody likes a person without a phone number, a snapchat, an instagram, or whatever the hell people use these days fuck, goodnight everyone again, stay safe

2 years ago

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