my anxiety’s always getting to me and I’m always trying my best but i feel like it’s never enough for anyone around me, and my mom tells me to do better and that I’m lazy and that i do nothing all day when i work my ass off all day to make her proud when it seems like she’s only proud when she feels she needs to be. and im always trying to fit in or work on myself bc i feel like everyone judges me when i try to be myself, and in public around people i feel most alone or not included bc im scared of being judged or made fun of, i want to be included but at the same time i don’t want attention on me, and i want to be alone but i don’t want to be lonely. and i can’t bear to tell anyone bc i feel as if I’m bothering people even when they’re open with me. i try my best to make everyone else around me happy but while i am I’m losing my happiness and crying when no one is looking. and I feel if I tell my parents they’ll just tell me I’m lazy or being dramatic . I feel alone in a room full of people. and i hate myself for not being social or talking to people but it feels like my words are caught in my mouth and as if I can’t breathe. and i hate myself for how I look I try to be perfect and look like everyone else but it’s so hard and i feel I will never meet my expectations or anyone else’s. i just wish there was a way for everyone around me including myself to be happy and that i could be appreciated for once, or maybe even just die or leave without risk or making people disappointed around me. And telling someone they’d just feel pity for me and tell me I’m perfect the way I am and all this other BS that’s not true just to make me feel better.
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