My life can be really difficult, and lately I haven’t been able to process everything. I know so many people are struggling with school at the moment and for me, if I have to repeat my year I will have to.. well kill myself, and I feel horrible typing this but it’s just my honest story, I struggle with so many things and so many people the last and first time I got attention for trying to take pills my friend called the police and my mom asked me if I need help doing it, yes my mom straight up asked me if I needed help killing myself. This story is probably gonna be all over the place but I hope you’ll stick through. I really started having problems last April when one of my close friends committed suicide, I posted a memorial thing on my Instagram abt her and my whole family wanted me to take it down. Later on I lost my childhood dog, and soon after that I lost two more. Then my family moved to a different house because of my mom’s significant other, so we had to get rid of our two cats. I started having a lot of body issues because my sister got really sick and got really skinny, unfortunately my eyes just see my body so differently then what it is, I weigh close to 100 pounds and I dread so much because of it. I’m not trying to self diagnose but I get really anxious and have really bad panic attacks, I’m not secretive but my family has no idea what I go through. In all reality I just really want to get my work done but once I start I just belittle myself and get shaky and can’t breathe, I retook my first semester and I’m behind in it, again, I just don’t know what to do and I don’t know if I can be saved? I guess, I feel like if everything just stopped I’d be happy. Don’t get me wrong I want to accomplish my dreams and have a good life and get past everything but I don’t want to be stuck in the present. I’m so sorry for scrambling all this random stuff here but everytime I seem to talk to someone they just throw it away or change the subject or make it about them. I don’t even know how to share everything because it’s just so much and I can’t focus, I hope everyone is doing great, thanks for reading.

2 years ago

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