I currently live with my parents despite being 23. I tell people It's cause I wanna save money for a house which is true, But I'm Also Pretty Sure that If I moved out I would end up an alcoholic right away. My parents are Mormon so no drinks are allowed here, But whenever I get the chance I Drink as much as i can. When I was 17 I was diagnosed with severe depression and while I don't know what depression is like for others for me It's kind of like that feeling when you know somethings wrong that you get sometimes except in this case I Know what's wrong, It's my existence, it's like my instincts are screaming at me 24/7 that me existing is fundamentally incorrect. I just always feel tired and cold and miserable and I have zero motivation to do anything. But drinking stops those feelings and instead I feel so happy and content that I wish I could always feel like that. So Yeah, I kinda know That when I do Move out what will happen is I will become an alcoholic and eventually die from an overdose and I am pretty okay with that, but While there is still a chance I could find happiness in some other less harmful way I am kinda putting it off. I just don't know.
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