How do I even start this? Well, first off, I don’t know what wrong with me and being the introverted 16 year old doesn’t help I wanna know what’s wrong with me but I’m scared to tell my parents I want to but there’s something in me that doesn’t trust them enough to tell them I told myself that once I’m able to drive I can get myself a therapist but they’re so expensive around here and where would I get the money? I don’t know if this is just a phase or if I have burn out, depression, or bipolar disorder I think I’ve been playing tears of Themis too much lately.. I’m not enjoying a lot of the stuff I used before I sit down and tell myself that I’ll do it but I end up just scrolling mindlessly through sns and just have a horrible feeling in my gut about it I absolutely love writing but earlier when I had ideas guess what I ended up doing? Watching videos on YouTube and I just felt my gut sink once I got off my iPad after that like wow I really just did that I’ve been so much more irritable as of late not only did I beat my sister up because she didn’t do something I asked her to do but everytime someone just talks to me I just feel like screaming my head off at them and sometimes I do and it might even lead to me throwing punches or something like that but it’s been extremely on and off like I’ll be happy and smiling one moment but then I’ll be pissed and yell at someone or burst out crying the next second I’ve also been thinking about death a lot lately I have attempted suicide about twice a while ago by tying on of my bed sheets around my neck both times but if I died I wouldn’t be typing this right now would I? I don’t want a painful death though so everytime i think of wanting to slash my neck or bite my hand off, as a writer, I just make my characters do it for me but the thing is I’ve never written any of these scenarios on paper - they just play through my head I can’t put these feelings into words on paper I let out my anger, lust, pride, and thoughts on these people but I feel like nothings changing and I don’t know what do anymore My brother was diagnosed with depression a while back but he has it so much worse than I do and I’m scared that if I tell anyone they’ll just laugh and tell me that I’m just crazy or that it’s just a phase I just wanna know what’s wrong with me

1 year ago

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