so my grandma might die, shes had heart issues for a while now and is struggling. family is going to spend time with her. shes at home tonight but ive heard shes not looking to well. i havent talked to her much since i left. we have never been that close growing up even though she didn''t live very far away and we'd see her frequently. she was close to others in our family though, others that didn't live up to her strict standards or judgements. she was always judgemental but since her first heart attack shes changed...slowed down and become a little more mellow. i feel like shes tried to guilt me into calling her because others do but i still feel hurt by our relationship and i dont think there will ever be resolution because ill never be able to confront her with how i feel and even if i did i dont think she would understand what id be saying. there are cultural differences. i dont like that i have to be the bigger person when shes the adult and with other things going on in my life my relationship with her hasnt been a priority but now that she may be dying i feel like ive messed up. like i should have put in the effort even though shes hurt/ stunted our relationship and i have other things going on in my life,should i feel that way? i dont know. i always thought that i wouldnt feel sad when she passed but now that it's a possibility i find myself feeling anxious and confused, regretful and down. i dont know to feel. i want to do to do the right thing but what is the right thing to do.
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