i just don't give a shit anymore. everybody leaves me. everybody uses me. no one ever asks if i'm okay, and i'm not!! i'm not okay...i've tried and tried to kill myself and nothing is working and i feel so invalid because of that. i feel like i'm invalid because i can't even do it. i'm strong for everyone and i know that sounds cliche but it's true. i never, EVER talk about myself. nobody even knows me. nobody knows anything about my life and they don't care to. what's the point of living? what do i have to look forward to? being strong for more people? hiding from more people? being left again? i'm so SICK of this SHIT, of screaming out into the void and getting no answer. of old friends ghosting me and venting to me and i can't even vent to them about my own shit. they don't care how hard this has all been for me. no one does. everyone forgets about me. the thing about people is that they only like you when you're happy. but as soon as you become something real, something to "deal with," they leave you. they ignore your pain because it's easier for them. i've been trying to lose weight. i think i weigh 104 but it's so hard, it's so HARD to keep track of all the calories!! i don't fucking know how to do this, or if it's working, or why i'm doing it. i just want to be skinny and i don't know why. society is such shit like that. i just wanna eat when i want to, but i can't and it's so HARD.
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