A lot of things that I have gone through, idk how , what, but I survived, and the fact that I promise myself to not live pass 15 but I ended 5 months of being 16 this year. I think it's and achievement that I never knew I want, nor I think I want it. But in a way , life has been very weird, Ig in a good way, the way thins aren't how it was, it's all started when I go to and see therapy, nothing much tbh, it just, after I beg my parents to send me to therapist, they've been threating me diffrntly, especially my mother, I now I love her, but, I hate her at the same time, it's not the typical "my mom don't understand me" time of shit. It's that I think I am too sensative until I misunderstood her. But how can I, there's a lot of evidence that clarify my paranoia about her. I just hope she stop being how she was. I want her to stop confusing me with her manipulation, I just want a clear view of a mother and not a betrayal. I'm so sick of her suddenly being nice, why? Is it because I got I to a prestigious school? Is because finally I'm somewhat usefull? This questions without answer really make me feel like I'm such a dramatic piece of shit. I feel like I'm to paranoid, I feel like I'm the reason why things are the way it use to be. I tired. It hard when things use to be so shitty and suddenly things aren't, the changes that happens, is making me uncomfortable, it makes my feelings unvalid. It makes me feel like I can't move on from the past , it makes me feels like I'm the problem. And when I go see phycologist, they say I have adjustment disorder. Tbh I'm so disappointed on myself, I only have not severe disorder, why do I act and feel like I have a really severe disorder all this time, what the fuck, penat lah babi, penat , asal Tak bagi aku meds je, nak overdose.

1 year ago

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