Im considering running away from home but before I tell you how Im going to tell you why. When my mother had me it was with a bad man one whom did not deserve to be a father. He would molest and neglect me even sometimes beat me. I was 5 when taken away from him and put into a much better situation. So now your thinking oh get some therapy and youll do alright thats not the case. I have begged my mother to let me get therapy after my last suicide attempt but she just wont its excuse after excuse. I want peace i want love i want to be happy but i cant have that why cant i have that well let me explain to you my step father and the trama he introduced me to (grammar isnt good sorry) my step father would beat my mother he would beat me he would beat the dogs he is a moster he is what you should warn your kids of not of werewolves not of vampires but of people he was the worst it was like living in a horror movie but in this movie you arent stupid like the cliche characters and no matter what you do YOU WILL NEVER GET AWAY no matter how much you scream you cry you struggle you will never get free this is a fight for your life and you will lose every lie youve ever been told think about how much it hurt you how much it burned you deep in you heart because you oped up to someone and they lied to you they framed you and they betrayed you my ex best friend when i was 2 i met her she was amazing for about a year and then she moved away but we met again at about 11 and again it was great she was a popular girl at my school and i got bullied by the nerds so she helped me make friends and life was going good i had some new friends my step father wasnt home as much and my new kitty honestly it was a really good time in my life but that so very quickly slipped away we moved i lost my home my friends and my mom around this time is when i realized she was not a good mother she was not a good mother she is not a good mother after all her voice makes me sick I HATE HER she chooses anything over me and my needs its like i dont exist i never got to be a kid and she lies to me just like my ex best friend only her lies almost cost me much more i could have been hurt killed or even arrested that night because she lied to me about druggs SHE BROUGHT ME TO A FUCKING DRUG DEAL she lied why idk but it hurt i hurt alot she was the only person i ever told about my ex step father molesting me and how he would beat me and the dogs (hes ex step father now sorry i didnt mention that) anyway fast forward a bunch of months and i just turned 14 i got a great Baby-sitting job and a cute cat and an amazing partner who i love with all of my heart i still feel empty i still feel haunted by the things that happened to me the horrific things i saw i did and were done to me I CANT SLEEP i cant sleep the nightmares are to much so many different and new yet somehow worse old ones that come back to haunt me flash backs when you least expect it pills pills more pills no sleep anxiety CUT CUT CUT cry sob choke get sick deal with gerd deal with adhd get manipulated get hit get yelled at have my phone spammed at ungoldy hours dog barking cat meowing nightmares bad bad bad and rinse and repeat till i pass out at my desk wake up get some water take pills get left alone take shower and then nothing i have more to type to say to express but i simply cat because right now there is a dog that ive never seen before in my house howling and barking and my own dog do the same a cat laying next to me high on catnip amd two little girls im Baby-sitting im in my house im safe they are safe but its 12:31 and im scared im scared im scared i so so scared i want someone to be here with me to tell me its ok even if we both know its not my mother left her phone here the dogs wont stop and i want to do it no im gonna im going to run away im not taking my phone or my money but im going into the woods and im bringing a knife if i am able to come out alive after 5 days then im not meant to die and then i will call the police and get help if i kill myself during these 5 days then thats fine hopefully theyll burn my shit in the back yard and itll be like i never existed i hope i die i want peace i dont want to be and adult i want to be a kid im sick of being a makeshift parent im sick of love im sick of being on this goddamn planet i hate everyone im around and i dont want to i dont want to get hurt i want to die

2 years ago

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