I wish I was enough. For anybody really. My parents, my wife, my children. But I'm not. My parents prefer my druggie older brother and his children, my basically twin sister that went to college for 5 years and has no degree and her children that live 2 states away and my doctor younger brother and his wife. The younger one makes sense I guess, he is a doctor. Me I'm just the guy that had a kid and a half before he dropped out of high-school. Got married then moved to her home state. Things were OK, then she decided to fuck her manager. I left for a few weeks but moved back. That lasted a few more weeks before she told me she wasn't going to stop. So I moved back with my parents a 16 hour drive. Things started getting better. I had an ok job and a support system for me and my 2 children. Yep I had both of our children because she didn't want to do the parent thing and wanted to party. So I have my ok job my mom is watching my kids while I'm at work. I meet this smoking hot girl at work and we just kinda click right away. Things move along and I get divorced around a year after I left and around 4 months later I'm married to the super awesome smoking hot girl from work. I have changed jobs a few times some were good some not. I decide that the best way I can support my family is to join the military so I do it. We get stationed in Hawaii. How fucking lucky to be sent to a tropical paradise!!! Plus there's additional pay for my chosen job and being highly deployable. Things are going better, my wife is pregnant. Now the new baby is here and there's some depression on my part and the wife's. Getting used to new things can be hard when you're that young. Then I get my first call up to the big rodeo in the desert. Iraq for 15 months... Can't always make a phone call or send an email since it's 2007 to 2009 and technology kinda sucked. Plus I was an Infantryman doing what we do in foreign lands. I get an email from my step-dad really late one night. It was a couple paragraphs and some pictures. My wife has been cheating on me. The pictures showed a man sleeping in my bed and the same man in several different outfits and places in my house. I am angry. I call my wife. It is late in Iraq which means it's early morning in Hawaii. Sleeping wife is woken by her ringing cell phone. "Hello???" She says "HI!!" I say "Who's this???" She says "Who the fuck do you think it is?!?!" I say. We have a little conversation about the email and pictures and during this I even hear her trying to wake somebody up "Baby get up you have to go to work" she whispers to the unknown person. I'm not happy, I hang up the phone. I can't believe I have just reenlisted 2 weeks ago because I thought it would be something she wanted. Now I'm stuck in a contract for 4 more years with the Army in a job I have grown to hate and my wife wants a divorce. Things happen after I get back I want to kill myself but I can't leave my kids so I just fucking drink. Eventually I realize I can't do that to my body anymore and I try to get some help from the Army brain doctors. Get told my wife cheating on me is my fault because I was gone. I'm still not happy. I find my wife's journals. I know I shouldn't read them. But I do. One is a sex journal of all her sexual encounters that started after I deployed. Over 30 different men were listed in there with various levels of enthusiasm in her writing. I now know the full truth versus what she told me. It wasn't just a couple one night stands and one regular sex partner it was over 30 dudes. I really want to die now. I get so depressed there is nothing to me anymore. I become an automaton, my brain and body still function but there is no personality or emotions. Eventually things start to change and it seems like somehow out of sheer laziness we don't divorce and actually love each other again. I get sent back to Iraq again.... I start to worry.. but for bo reason. Things are great other than I'm fycked up from my time overseas. I get out we move near our parents I Eventually start working for the government here. Things are ok. My dick stops working. Can't get boners. My wife is cool about it even though I'm only 36 when it starts. A year later she wants to have an open relationship. I agree because I want to keep her happy. I am a little upset but get over it and accept things. But its been a month and she has had like 3 guys be" pontentials" whatever that means. I want to fucking die more than ever now. And that is where we currently are in my life story. I just wish I was enough.

2 years ago

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