"There's feeling between you." That's what my mother said. She said that me and this girl looked at each other for most of the dinner. I don't really recall that happening. Well, she's already engaged, so I guess she doesn't have THAT kind of interest. My mother asked me also if I have an attraction for her. I gave my usual ambiguous reply, "not necessarily." If I like a girl, I potentially like her romantically too. Maybe I'm too skeptical of my feelings towards people in general. I do like this girl, but I don't feel myself safe in even starting a friendship with anyone. Also, I'm not a dumbass, I'm not going to try and snatch her out of her current relationship. Maybe I should fight this fear. I feel anxious around people. I behave as if I had a thin skin, when I really don't at this point. I don't open up, and I don't give chances for closure. It's not even that I'm socially dumb. I lived a whole life believing that lie. The truth is that I don't let myself have chances with people. I cut them, ghost them. Destroy any bridges. After a few last experiences I do this pretty much with everyone, even family. Maybe, next time I see her, I can try getting to know her more.

1 year ago

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