This is gonna be long-ish I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to live in the real world anymore. I’ve always spent a lot of time in my head but lately I spend more time their than in the real world and it becoming a problem. I have these moments where I’ll almost phase out of existence and my body will go in auto pilot but my mind will be creating a intricate and immersive story in my head. It started when I was younger and now I have so many characters and plot points that the marvel would be ashamed. I’m not a character in my world though it’s like I’m an Omniscient narrator. Recently I’ve had nothing to do so I’ll just sit their and go in my head. I know this is probably pretty common which is why I feel stupid talking about it but it’s starting to become to much. It’s really hard for me to get out of my head now. I’ll realize I’m day dreaming and try to snap out of it, which will work for a second but then I’m right back in it and I never realize it until much later. It happened to me while skiing 6 years ago and it was really scary. I remember being halfway up the ski lift with my friend Lillie then suddenly we were back in line at the bottom of the ski lift and talking to Lillie but I never told her cause I don’t want her to think I’m weird. That was the first time I really blacked out and I have absolutely no idea what I said or did during that time. I’ve had a few more black out incidents since then and it’s concerning me that I’m not that concerned about it if you know what I mean. I’m a really dull person, Not by nature but by choice, so people don’t really notice when I’m on auto pilot. The thing is though I like things so much better in the fake world, so much so that I just want to stay their. I don’t think anyone would really notice. When I got into high school I was to shy to talk to any of the groups so I was alone with no friends and when I moved to a new high school they started distance learning so I still don’t have friends or know anyone at my school. I’m ashamed of being alone so whenever my parents ask about school or my “friends” I make stuff up. I invented fake friends with different personalities and looks. They’ve started to become really real to. I spend so much time thinking of scenarios that my “friends” and I would be in like all being unprepared for a upcoming test and stuff that they feel like real people to me. I know that their fake but they just feel real So much of my life is fake that I think it would be much easier if I just stopped trying to snap out of my daydreams. Everything I say to my parents is fake and their the only people I talk to. I’m so alone it hurts my head. I can’t keep going like this. I need to either pick the real world or the one in my head and stay their because this is to much It becoming really hard to function and I spend a lot of the time that I am in the real world crying or pretending that I’m a happy popular kid with good grades and lots of friends in order to make my parents happy. I just don’t want to be alone anymore. I want to tell my parents that my whole personality is a lie to keep them happy but Then I imagine what they would think and start to cry. It’s been 2 years since I had a real friend Im alone Im crying I can’t keep doing this Ever since I was younger I’ve watched markipliers videos when I was sad and id feel better but recently their not making me feel better, not much does, and since I no longer had a copeing mechanism I turned to smoking weed and it does make me feel better but I don’t want to rely on it. My parents know about my drug use and don’t care, in fact they even supplied me with some at the start. I want help But I don’t know how or who to ask Everyone says you can turn to a friend or family member but I have no friends and my family only knows the character I made, not the real me. Yesterday I cried so long I ended up just passing out and the thing is I don’t know why I was crying. I know It wasn’t out of sadness because I know how it feel try cry out of sadness but I don’t know what the emotion I felt yesterday was. I feel like I’m ready to do something drastic but I’m not sure what I just don’t know what to do I guess you can call this a cry for help

2 years ago

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