just need to vent <3

i don’t know what im doing. i feel like im losing everything and everything is falling apart, a lot of people are mad at me of everything i do. im insecure, and i just dont know what im doing wrong, i feel and know im letting go of my school and stuff. i dont know what has changed me, and look at now, my younger self would be so sad seeing me in this position right now. what did i do wrong? i feel like i dont even care about anything anymore, i dont know what to do about this. i dont remember the last time i actually focused on something i used to do. im letting go, i sleep late and even if it changes how i look now, i cant seem to stop it. ive changed and my younger self wouldnt approve, j just wish i could be like those people who dont have to worry about anything. i dont want to be stuck here confused and alone. i cant even vent to anyone because i wouldnt be the type to do it, i just dont get it. why cant i just have clean skin? and a better personality. even if i try to cover up and change things i hate and are shamed, it doesnt work, i just cant stand the fact because i always think people are judging me or something. and the way people im related to always look at me for my insecurities and call me by them, it isnt a joke. if it is, i cant take it. it justs hurts and i always think of bad things around what you say, im getting lazy and lazier to do things, i cant do anything about it, why is this so hard. :( i get it, its our generation now, and i have to deal with it, listen, it’s not that easy for me okay? i just want to feel my old self and able to love and not care about my looks or anything, i wanna feel happy, un-insecure and not hated. i wanna feel my old pretty, innocent, little happy self again. :( </3