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My friend of 10 years stopped being my friend recently, so Zoe if you happen to stumble upon this this is what I wish I could tell you. I miss you. I lay in bed every night around 2 am and cry, I cry thinking about everything we've been through. elementary school was so fun :] my favorite memory of you was when you asked if I wanted milk at our sleepover and then pulled a whole jug of milk out of your sleepover bag. You've given me so many fond memories and I appreciate that so much. I don't think i would've made it this far in life without you. But here i am. without you. I understand why you changed but god I wish you didn't. I wish you opened up to me, i wish everything could've gone so different when we met up. I feel so guilty living in the past and clinging on to it. but if i'm being honest it's all that I have left of you. When I visited my childhood home I realized just how much I held onto the past. I can't blame you for changing, and i know I only miss the you who still loved me. the one constantly replaying in my head as I cry. I know you're living in the past too. You can't let go of our childhood home too. But zoe I miss you. I know its so selfish of me to wish I could go back to when everything was so perfect. I want you to get better. not for me, but for you. because you deserve to be happy. you deserve it so much. I know you're not my responsibility but I can't help thinking what I could've done better. could I have done something better? we never were the type of friends to talk about our feelings, we never really had that dynamic huh. now I wish we were. maybe if we were I could've sent you this. I know you'll never see this. I feel so pathetic haha. i'm constantly trying to find something to fill the void that you left. i really thought we were soulmates, that we would grow old together. we won't. i know that now :] I still love you, it feels like i'm drowning but i still love you. i don't know how long it will take you to get better, but i'm hoping that once you do we can be friends again. I have no idea if that will happen but thats all i have at this point. so i'm gonna hang on to that little piece of hope until i know its not true. I love you zoe, i always will :] - b