My first boyfriend broke up with me weeks from our 1 year. He ghosted me, when confronted he told me I was annoying, boring and clingy. My second boyfriend broke up with me twice, both on our anniversary. I think he just wanted the attention & devotion I gave him: he still wants to get back together, a year after. My third boyfriend I broke up with today— our one year. I’m at an age where moving in together is a realistic option, we talked about it so much. I think I’ll have to stay home now. We had been on call for a couple hours, a daily routine. It was getting late and he had originally intended to at 9:30, but it didn’t quite go according to plan and we ended up staying on call till 10:15 when he was so “tired” he was nearly crying. After we got off, I put my thoughts towards figuring out a glitch with his Snapchat and when logged in, My phone froze. I was rapidly tapping the screen and ended up on the most recent conversation, immediately after we hung up he contacted his friend “get on” (to a game they play). I broke up with him after first verifying my thoughts via call. He spent two hours attempting to contact me (email, tiktok, tumblr, every way) and I blocked everyone one. Why can he put so much effort into stopping me from breaking up with him, but not to the relationship? I’m so sad I could die. I loved him so much, it’s so hard to get close to people and trust them. I trusted him so much and it hurts so bad. I can’t forgive him, I really just can never forgive him. I know it seems so small to everyone around me but i always had those stupid irrational thoughts and to find out they were true? It’s so horrifying. I thought he loved me, I really wish someone did love me. I want to be with someone who loves me unconditionally, I want someone who would never lie to me. I’m so sad it’s hard to breathe. I’m so confused, I don’t understand why he thought this was okay! I should have broken up with him sooner, he’s done so many things to me I shouldn’t have let slide but I love him so much. I love him so much I love him so much. I wanted so badly for our relationship to work I gave him so many chances when I should have just fucking left him but I stayed. I guess those thoughts weren’t so irrational afterall.

2 years ago

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