everything hurts, the thought of you with someone else is a crazy thought because I truly thought we were meant for each other, I thought we were both on the same page and I always say I never see myself in a relationship with you but at the end of the day thats all I want, you see someone else in your eyes and its not me, pain comes and goes but for you it is always here, I like you so much it hurts, this is the most i've ever felt for anyone and I say that for everyone i've like before but I mean as the most as in this is so much, my heart can't handle so much and the fact that you know that I feel a lot for you to the point where I had to distance myself kills me, why can't I be enough? I seek your validation everyday, every hour, every minute, my mind gets twisted into my thoughts, once I found out that it was someone else I even questioned my whole existence, I would imagine you in my future and I just feel so stupid and fooled to think that you were with me, as in had the same thoughts as me, everyone has told me to say goodbye, to leave it how it is but it will crush me alive, i'm so attached and I just can't let you go yet, I feel so deeply and i'm really not sure why I still try for you because even though you bring me my biggest moments of weakness, I do not want to take you for granted, I choose you over so many people and its crazy how you want someone that wont care half as much as I do for you, every song, every place, every letter is written on the walls of you and I never wanted it to lead up to this, I am handling this way too well to the point where I think how? i'm so fine with you seeking someone else? is this self sabotage? life is really unfair in so many ways and i've learned that through so many people, i'm sure i've accepted the fact that you are onto someone else because I saw it coming, I hurt my own feelings thinking you felt the same, I say I hate you all the time but truth is, my mind is always filled with you, and the thought you brings a lot and so little at the same time. Why would you text me again? just to break me? And you don't even know that i'm crushed cause of you. The first of the month is always yours, dearly dedicated to you, if you were to ever need me or want me like i do, i'm with you in a heartbeat, and you'll never know, I will never consider this love because I will laugh at this later on and wish you the best
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