I just feel like a selfish little kid. I never give up on something until i get exactly what i want. i want him and the harsh reality is crashing down on me as you grow up and realise you can't always get what you want. But why doesn't he want me? i've been here for everything, the divorce, when you were drunk and needed my moral company, when you needed sex. And that's just that. All you only ever wanted was that. Sex. I am 15 and only just realising that the tall brown boy with the sweet smile and kind soul is not just all that. He's got secrets, and his secrets swept me off my feet and into an unknown, where i would never be able to get out of. It's almost as if although the whole situation is bad they didn't matter for that split second that was a good part. Drugs, they make you feel something so great for a small time, but in the long run the fuck you up. Hardcore. More than any 15 year old could ever live with. I'm in withdraw. I can not stop itching myself to tell you how i feel in hopes that you'll reply and sweep me off my feet again. But you'll sweep me off my feet, and then you'll throw me into a dark ditch. And thats just you. You'll never change. Just like my love for you will also never change. I just miss the old you, the one who seemed to care, about my day, my life, my relationships. Now you just hold up an 'L' everytime i say something. then left on read. Cool. You'll realise how much you needed me when i'm gone. But that won't matter. I'll be gone. I'm just afraid that i wasted the best of me on you. Fuck you lol. You know you can get whatever you want. and thats just you. So this is the part where i'm supposed to heal and let go. But the drugs. They are just so good. once again i'm itching for more. For you to hold my face like you did at that party. Play with my hair. Let me put my arm around you. But of course that would only be after i gave you my body, my everything, in hopes i could change you. How the fuck could i change you. Im just small. I wanted something and you wanted one thing only. Thanks for letting me think it was okay. I will always look for you in a room full of poeple, hope that ur watching, and that small chance, you are. I've seen it before and it makes me think. Fuck this astrology shit, you scorpios are always on my mind. They don't admit anything, but they'll be happy to admit they want you. I meant to say "your body". I get my hopes up thinking that you also look at me. I just wanna be done lol. fuck you or whatever.

2 years ago

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