Hey hey hey where are all these worries coming from? It doesn't make any sense. First of all, we aren't necessarily dating. Also, judging from her socials she's probably engaged. "She's extremely introverted with only a few friends, she might very well be a psycho or a little crazy", what should she say about you then? You are a recluse yourself, why all the judging? And then thinking "I could get someone better than her." You should be ashamed of thinking that, you piece of shit. What about "she could get something better than you." Don't forget you're still a loser. You're still working on that. She has a job and she's in contact with people all around the world. You don't have a SINGLE friend right now. Also: no, she doesn't hate you already. You didn't make the wrong impression. Don't start envisioning the worst case scenario already. I'm torn. Do I actually like her or am I just lonely? No, I know what this is actually about: I'm trying to find some excuse to sabotage ANYTHING that could come out of this. A friendship, a romance, a whatever. Am I really this wounded? Fuck no. This time I'm not gonna let this side of me win. I want to get closer. I like her, and I want to know her better. I might get the first friend I have something in common with. The first person that appears to have a similar temperament as yours. I want to keep going wherever this is leading me to. And if nothing happens, I will have gone through this knowing I didn't back off or deliberately destroy everything. It shouldn't be this difficult, fuck! That's ok, stop shaming yourself. You're in the process of healing. You're healing. This is happening baby. You're getting out of your self-imposed prison. Fuck yeah! Just let things flow naturally. Don't play dead but don't overdo things either. Do what feels right. Wu-wei, baby. Wei-wu-wei. What must come will come.
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