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ME I've wanted to kill myself for a long time I remember the first time I tried to I was ten years old I couldn't handle the abuse and the loneliness any more so I tried to strangle myself with a pair of pants I tied to the top my head rest of my bed then I rolled of off the bed it felt good for a couple of seconds because I finally felt something then the knot came loose and I cried my self to sleep. then a year goes by I'm still getting abused but things got better because I met Kate it was the first person that actually made feel something we were very close friends we would share all our secrets with each other talk all night and talk at school then high school comes around we are still close friends I told her I had feelings for her and she said she had feelings for me as well we went out for one day to figure out if its going to work well it didn't Kate said she needs to love her self before she can love someone else. I got sad and over reacted a little bit but in the end we worked things out and stayed close friends two years go by and I dropped out of high school to work for my dad. Kate I and talked but not as much so things got weird that's because I still had feelings for her. well its been almost three years now since I talked to Kate I wish I could make things right with her she meant the world to me and I fucked it all up by being to attached but I've let her go because I know she is happy and safe somewhere. when I was fourteen I tried killing myself again by not eating a lot and I got sick from it and it hurt a lot so I just ate and drank now I'm fat and I'm a minor alcoholic now that I'm eighteen I might try killing myself by alcohol poisoning that sounds nice because I'm only happy when I drink so I'll die happy and I'm ok with that. I don't even know why I'm typing this no one is ever going to see this no actually gives a shit so what's the point in carrying on with this lonely dark hole I live in. as I'm typing this gets even more cringe every word I type I'm laughing at my own suicide note do i even call it that I'm not going to kill myself right after I finish typing I am eventually but not tonight i live to see another pointless day. this world is dying and so am I