my mom died in 2016 and in 2017 (february) my dad already has a new wife. at first im scared that my family cant get through my moms death but after weeks i know that my family can get through it but im wrong. my dad quickly having another woman and i dont even know the reason. he left me with my sister (25 y.o) and me (16 y.o). in february 2020 my sisted got married, she live in my house so right now i live with my sister and her husband then recently she has a baby. i feel lonely lately and i think the cause of it is my 2 left family member already have a new family and im alone. i feel they just care about their family and left me behind. i feel like i have another world beside them and im just lonely. my past still longing in me, how i used to be happy with my full family member and the memories keep pop up. right now everything just different and getting worse. i want to be able to not feel lonely even im alone but its hard. in fact that my sister family is in the same roof as me make me feel more lonely. i always hear and see they happy as family but i feel im not included. i miss my mom i feel like she is the only person that can understand me. i do have friends but the thought of my friends also have family issues is make me stop to tell them my story because i feel like is common to have family issues and their respond is not suit with me idk why. i feel hopeless, useless, worthless, so sometimes there is this thought that telling me maybe is better that im gone. no one cares no one loves me no one gonna give a goddamn shit if im gone anyway. i feel like my duty is over since my sist already has her family. i dont have any goals and dream, i lost it, im just dont know why im still alive anymore i just living my life because simply im not dead yet. it feel like shit.

1 year ago

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