I don’t know why i can go from hating every single thing about myself and just wanting to completely be a different person, to loving every single thing about myself and knowing i’m better then everyone. the only reason i say i love myself is to actually try and believe it but deep down i know i’m a horrible person. why do i say i love myself? when i’m insecure of everything, from the way i look to the way strangers see me when i walk. i hate it, why can’t i just be happy with who i am. why was i made this much of a fucked up person. i just wanna be different. i just want to be genuinely loved to where i can actually feel it. i wanna be liked by everyone. i want to fit in. i just want so much i can’t have and i hate that. why was i made like this? why am i like this? why couldn’t i be perfect? why should i keep living? why aren’t i like the pretty girls? why don’t i have a good life? why am i not happy? why why why. i hate every single thing about myself. if i can’t even love myself how do i expect anyone else to love me? i don’t even have people to tell my problems to because i know if i do then i’d regret it because it would all be for nothing. i would just feel embarrassed and then i would feel so stupid. if i told a random person this they would probably say “don’t say that, you’re perfect in every way” but i know they’re lying because why don’t i feel perfect? that’s all i want but i can’t have. i say i’m better then everyone to distract myself from knowing i’m worse. all i want is a perfect life. “you can’t always have what you want” then why should i keep living? why should i still breath. why am i still here? why was i brought ok to this world to be a total disappointment. i don’t get any of this and i know i’d be happier dead. i don’t even have the gut to do it, i’m that much of a coward. i can never speak up for myself i just let people talk over me. i need to know my self worth but why do i want to? when i know i’m just a piece of shit.
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