I need to stop daydreaming about my crush. I doubt he ever does think of me likewise. It interferes with my work and life duties, I mutter and laugh to myself. Wondering. I hope I do get to see him one day. I may not be able to win his heart but to see him in person and smiling would bring me joy at this moment. I've since neglected others in favor of giving him my attention. I am sickly, depressed, thousands of miles away, and I am sure that a future between us wouldn't work logically and emotionally. He's not ready to connect and I am not ready to devote when I cannot care for myself. I have not reached my full potential, just filled with bitterness towards my condition. I think he can see good in me but I will only be a bother to him as a potential partner. I think I already stress him as a friend. Told him my emotions before, now I'm trying my best not to make it obvious that I am still interested. I will not save myself for him but I am inspired to not pursue anyone while I am at my lowest. Though, in my dreams, I'd give it all to him if he asked. I hate that about me. I am too careless. I want to let him go. I don't like the feeling of rejection but I'll respect if he wants someone else or will never see me in the way I see him. I wish I could focus on more pressing issues but I use his friendship to cope. It feels a bit too good to let go
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