I’ve not had the best life so far, my parents were previously drug addicts who would neglect me and my sister (who is 7 years younger than me) all day everyday for about 6 years that I can remember and some days I would have to look after her, feed her cloth her, ect. Now this wouldn’t be too bad for a normal person however I was 9. constantly having to see my parents completely doped up on drugs barley able to stand and practically raise my sister really hurt me because I felt like I was raising my replacement half the time but it doesn’t end here. My mother is very emotionally abusive and has been ever since I was 9 and still is now and that has made me very reserved and extremely incompetent as whenever I would try and learn simple things like cooking, cleaning or even just unblocking a toilet she would scream abuse at me and sometimes hit me. This has been going on for a while but calmed down in the last 2 years however I only suspect this is because I’m physically bigger then her now so if I wanted to I could retaliate, but I wouldn’t I’m not that type of person. It really started to go downhill when one of my dads dealers and some others beat him and me up when we was shopping because we owed him money, this has left me feeling useless and powerless for not fighting back even though I was 11 because my dad has always tried to be good to me even when he’s off his head on drugs I still live with the guilt now. A year or so after this a social worker came into school to talk to me because my sister had told one of her teachers about our past and I just broke down and told her everything, this left to me and my sister being taken away into child care for a year, but before that my mother tried beating me but my dad saved me. When we returned home a year later my mum succeeded in beating me when we was alone and has hated me ever since because she had to be sober for 8 months before social services stopped watching us, she took drugs again shortly after my dad stopped fully but not before I caught him slitting his wrist in our bathroom. (He lived) then a few weeks later I was in school and met this amazing girl who helped me so much throughout my time in school and showed me I could be happy again. She was my best friend and I would talk to her everyday and make her laugh and so would she, she would let me vent whenever I had a problem and it made me feel so much better not having to deal with all the building up hate and sadness until one day she vanished without warning, she stopped coming in to school and wouldn’t answer any of my calls or texts, I asked her friend's what happened to her and they told me she hated me. I never knew if that was true however I did notice she looked so sad a couple days before this happened but she would never tell me what happened and to be honest I blame myself for her feeling sad I don’t know why I can’t help it. This broke me because she was like a crutch for my already crushed soul and it was ripped beneath me causing me to sink into a deeper sadness then before because I would never see her again. (Our time together spanned over 4 years) then last year I had hope again when I met this amazing teacher from my school who honestly was more like a motherly figure to me which I am a little embarrassed about because she wasn’t a teacher that didn’t like her job she seemed like a genuinely nice person who cares. (Now writing this I forgot to mention my brother died before having my sister) I loved this teacher so much (not in a weird way) and I still do now however now I’ve not seen her for 3 months because I left school. I’ve been crying everyday and night since because I have know one other than my dog and dad but my dog is dying from epilepsy and we can’t afford his tablets for another few weeks so we will have to have him put down because the shelters here don’t accept non healthy dogs. But I honestly can’t express how much I miss this teacher, I’m going to get my gcse results tomorrow and I’m hoping I will see her tomorrow for the last time. She was like a mum I never had and I can’t live without her. My life feels so hard right now but I shame myself because I feel I’m selfish because most people have it harder than me. I just miss the only people who have treated me well because they all eventually leave. Thank you for reading and if you have read it all then I congratulate you for putting yourself through this and I thought you should know I am 16 and a male for anyone who is curious.

1 year ago

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