I wish this letter could find you. So you'd fully know the extent of my pain. I think I don't love you. I don't think I ever have. I was probably starting to. Then you met her and started cheating. It became ethical. After so much pain though. I don't deserve this. If I'm being honest I'm only giving myself a chance to prove to you how whole I am. How strong you think I am is a fraction of how strong I actually am. My trauma has had me hold my tongue. No more. I'm so angry but like with so much else I'm placing that in it's box. In it's compartment. Locking it up with a combination lock. You think you have keys to my boxes. You don't. I changed all the locks. I am not some weak thing in need of a protector. You ruined that chance to be my white knight. You're now the beaten, missing most of your armor just regular guy. You're not special. You're not toxic. But honestly that's the bare fucking minimum. You say you're a lion. You're not even in the same family. You say you're a protector. You've never once protected me, you've only hurt me. I am an elephant. I'm strong. I'm large. I'm loud. I never forget. I can forgive. That doesn't mean that I'll ever welcome you back with open arms. I'm going to slowly start removing myself from your life. You probably won't notice that's ok. You have her to focus on. When she leaves you I hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve.

1 year ago

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