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im just lost, before quartine i never really imagined a future for myself, i never saw myself making it alive after highschool, anything after was highschool was just blank, i always thought that i was going to die, and honestly i really wanted to because i was scared of the future, i was waiting to die, and i always convinced myself that the future didn't matter because i was going to die soon anyway, but now my life is closer to the future than i want it to be i figured out want to do as my career but i still feel weird, im still lost and i don't know what to do, and i honestly don't even know if i want to do it because i really don't want to be here, but at the same time i do, i don't know im just really confused about life, im writing my feelings on the internet, im weird, i don't really know anymore to be honest, im just here, sometimes i really want to die, but i cant, but i don't know why because i don't even think im gonna make it in life to be honest, i feel like im gonna mess up, and be a burden to everyone, i don't know sorry for anyone who reads this, i just wanted to talk about my feelings because this is the closest i'll ever get, everything is just confusing at this point im just lost, i dont even know what im talking about, im probably just overthinking it. bye