Sometimes I feel like the world is closing in on me. Like nothing could make me happy. So I buy things, I busy myself with things to do and people to see, I think I hope that will take me away from my own head. My self loathing, my trembling hands and shaky words, all the things that remind me I have changed. I used to be bubbly, happy even, passionate. But I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel empty, and I’m constantly craving reminders, memories to look over and analyze. Sometimes all I need— all I want is someone to call me or message me: hey, I love you. You matter to me. I couldn’t live without you. Anything. Anything. Anything. I hurt and I wish I didn’t. Because I shouldn’t. I have every reason to be happy. I tell myself this in the car when no one answers my phone calls; trying helplessly to not be left alone in a car in my own head. I’m spiraling. And I need someone to care.

2 years ago

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