I am so tired. Ever since I can remember I have hated myself. The way I look, act, think. With recent things that have happened in my life, all these bad feelings have gotten worse. I won't go into detail about all the things that have happened the past few years because I don't want someone to figure out who I am. Anyways, in response to these events, I started self-harming. It wasn't bad at first. I just did it when I was upset or angry. However, now I fear it's an addiction. Every minute of every day I want to cut. Summers coming up and I have no idea how I will hide all the scars. I'm so scared of my family figuring it out. I have never talked about my struggles with mental health. It's always been a silent battle, but now people can see it. I'm not ready for people to know. I want help, but I can't even begin to ask for it. I'm also really close to just ending it all. There are not many things keeping me here. I feel like I'm screaming for help, but no one seems to notice. This may sound stupid, but I also have a really big fear of bugs. I know, stupid right, but recently I can't even sleep because I feel like there are bugs near or on me. I can't go 10 minutes without checking my room. I also am just completely burnt out on school. I'm in the ninth grade and up until now, I've had all A's. This year though I did horrible. My first semester I had C's and B's, but then I dropped to failing. In the second semester, I got all A's again, but I have forever ruined my GPA and I don't think I will ever be able to get into really nice colleges now. I don't even want to go to college. I want to be a singer or an actress as it's a genuine passion of mine, but that's unrealistic I know. The only thing I have to count on now is that killing myself is always an option. Anyways, I'm going to end this here. I doubt anyone read through all this it's just kind of a rant to myself. I've really needed to get things off my chest with years of built-up struggles. If anyone did happen to read all this, thank you and I hope you have a great life.

2 years ago

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