I am so tired. Ever since I can remember I have hated myself. The way I look, act, think. With recent things that have happened in my life, all these bad feelings have gotten worse. I won't go into detail about all the things that have happened the past few years because I don't want someone to figure out who I am. Anyways, in response to these events, I started self-harming. It wasn't bad at first. I just did it when I was upset or angry. However, now I fear it's an addiction. Every minute of every day I want to cut. Summers coming up and I have no idea how I will hide all the scars. I'm so scared of my family figuring it out. I have never talked about my struggles with mental health. It's always been a silent battle, but now people can see it. I'm not ready for people to know. I want help, but I can't even begin to ask for it. I'm also really close to just ending it all. There are not many things keeping me here. I feel like I'm screaming for help, but no one seems to notice. This may sound stupid, but I also have a really big fear of bugs. I know, stupid right, but recently I can't even sleep because I feel like there are bugs near or on me. I can't go 10 minutes without checking my room. I also am just completely burnt out on school. I'm in the ninth grade and up until now, I've had all A's. This year though I did horrible. My first semester I had C's and B's, but then I dropped to failing. In the second semester, I got all A's again, but I have forever ruined my GPA and I don't think I will ever be able to get into really nice colleges now. I don't even want to go to college. I want to be a singer or an actress as it's a genuine passion of mine, but that's unrealistic I know. The only thing I have to count on now is that killing myself is always an option. Anyways, I'm going to end this here. I doubt anyone read through all this it's just kind of a rant to myself. I've really needed to get things off my chest with years of built-up struggles. If anyone did happen to read all this, thank you and I hope you have a great life.
I'm not sure if there is a direct way to respond to your comment, so I'm not sure if you will see this. Nonetheless, thank you so much for responding. Your comment genuinely made me cry. I've never talked to anyone about these feelings. I've just kept them private over the years, so having such a positive response was really comforting to see. Obviously, I don't know you, so it's not exactly the same as telling a friend or family member. However, your comment meant a lot to me. Like I said I've never talked about this with anyone, so it's amazing seeing someone, whether that be a stranger or not, respond with concern. Again, I'm not sure if you'll see this but if you do, thank you so much. I would love to talk to you more.
1 year ago
I read through it all I almost wished there was more to hear about your life to help to try and make things better idk if this sounds creepy I've just been reading through all these I came here to post and rant but then got sad seeing how lost others were feeling as well and I want to help but don't know-how so if you want to talk more even just to rant u can ill read it and comment and try to help