I hate my life

I've been feeling lately like nobody loves me. I'm failing to do the easiest tasks nowadays and I feel like I'm not myself anymore. I don't like myself. I've been thinking about ending it a few times this week. I know that I'm really young to think these kind of stuff cause I'm only in year 9 but I think I had enough. I'm neglecting myself more and more and just had enough. I want to end it. I don't feel like I can get help and I don't think I will. I'm always the one that people think is the happiest from my friend groups so why can't I take that energy with me. Why do I always feel like I want to kill myself whenever I come home. The only reason I didn't end myself yet is because of my family especially mom but I feel like that won't stop me forever. I'm getting more and more closer to ending it and I feel like the voices in my head aren't lying anymore. If I do commit suicide then let this be my last not I love you mom