I just realized i am a victim of covert incest or emotional incest. I alway loved my dad as a child and saw him more as a friend then a father figure. Things started to get weird around the time he started to be finically unstable. He would say i was all he needed in life and that as long as he had me everything was going to be okay. I wouldn't think much of it then but now it always rubs me the wrong way. When my dads depression started getting bad he would rely on me to listen to his problems at the age of 13 years old. i would beg him to go seek help but he would always say as long as i kept visiting him regularly (my parents were divorced and he lived at his mothers house around 3 hours from my moms house) that he would be okay. The last time i ever saw my father was around half a year before he committed suicide. I remember we drove to a park to go for a walk by a lake. I felt sick and didn’t feel like going. he insisted and we started to have an argument, which lead to kind of a fight. After going back and forth he told me he had the rope ready in his closet. Again at 13 i begged him to go seek help and to go to inpatient or a therapist but he said as long as i kept visiting him that’s all he needs to stay alive. Which is a lot of pressure to put on a 13 year old. I told him that i can’t help and that he needs to help himself before he can get better. After that night i have never seen or spoken to him again. He didn’t have money to keep paying his phone bill and made no effort to contact me again. I feel like shit i didn’t tell someone but even at 13 i knew that it was a fucked up thing to tell your daughter and i didn’t want him to get into trouble. I still looked back and get a icky feeling on how my dad treated me, like he used to sexually assault me or something but i can’t remember him doing anything like that, but i got that like weird feeling you know. I just learned what emotional incest is and i think it relates to my story pretty well, but i don’t think i’d ever admit to being a victim to it irl.

1 year ago

Be the first to comment!