i'm fucking tired of being the bigger person. i want to fuck you up. i want you to know how you fucking hurt me instead of snickering to your friends about me. stop acting like you're above me. i'm fucking exhausted, i'm tired of being the "better person" in not contacting you to tell you how much you fucked me up. stop saying shit like i haven't changed as if you would fucking know. you have the right to be mad at me but i have the right to feel the same way about you. but fuck it, right? fuck it. i'm already high on benadryl might as well take more, get you out of my damn head. i know you want this to effect me how it is. that's why i can't talk to you about it. i can't dare give you the satisfaction of knowing you've upset me. go fuck yourself. i would prefer my ex encouraging my obsessive behavior to the point where i mentally broke down over them because they encouraged me obsessing over them due to my bpd. i would prefer them encouraging me to cut myself for them. i prefer my friend constantly making me suicidal. you KNEW you became my favorite person and you used that against me to do whatever the fuck you wanted because i couldn't fucking handle the thought that you were a shitty person, despite ALL of my friends telling me so.
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