It’s hard being happy when the main source of your depression are the people that are supposed to fill you up with joy. My mom called me ungrateful today solely because I didn’t want to go outside to get something for my sister. It sucks because I do literally everything around the house and for everyone BUT go outside. Going out looking bad or not feeling the best gives me anxiety. I want people to like me because I never received much love growing up. I try to express my feelings to my mom who is my only parent, but she ignores me and talks to my siblings right in my face. I hate it here. Sometimes I think, “well maybe if I hurt myself someone would finally listen” and I think about it everyday. I won’t do it, I’m scared to, but one day I’m going to snap. Even when I burst out yelling, no one gives a shit. I defend everyone but when it’s their turn to defend me I’m ghosted. I’ve had enough. I can’t even pretend to be happy anymore, I’m distancing myself from the world. I plan on running off to my family on my dads side because I can’t take it here anymore. I’m done.

1 year ago

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