I am autistic and I don't understand anything when it comes to socializing. I don't understand why when I write something on a forum a response to my questions are that I am being hostile and dismissive. I just wrote a bunch of questions together and bunched it up so it looked like it was in a paragraph filled with questions and then that was my response I got and don't know how I came across as hostile and dismissive. I was just having a panic attack when I wrote it and I get panic attacks a lot. They are hard to manage and I have meltdowns too. I jerk in my sleep and I have muscle spasms. A lot of those things are bothersome to the point where they disrupt what I am doing. I think those responses were because I was being cyber bullied. Something that was also said was that they aren't attacking me but at the same time it sounded like they were because they thought I was being hostile and dismissive when I wasn't. I was just asking questions because I didn't understand why I was being asked those questions and then they accused me of being hostile. Also I felt pushed into giving all my personal information. Now others on the forum seem to think I think they are hostile but I was accused of being hostile in the first place. I just feel confused about what is happening and that is why I blocked the site because I didn't like how the forum was set up. There were random responses and it didn't seem like I was understood. I was misunderstood most of the time and one of them pointed out all this stuff and I didn't get it because it didn't make sense to me. Then they pointed out that I responded accordingly but I edited the post because it didn't correlate to the conversation and it didn't seem that others understood that and that was frustrating but I do understand it is a forum and not everyone will get what I write about. I just hate that I am misunderstood because I am trying to reach out and I tell everything I can and I know it doesn't make sense to others and it never will but I just don't understand why they respond if they don't understand. The reason I say this is because when they do respond to what I write about they don't show me they get it because it sounds like they are talking about themselves instead of me. I read what they put on the forum and I didn't argue. I wasn't hostile and I wasn't dismissive. I find it ironic that someone else said that before to me on a forum a while ago but I wasn't doing anything then either and it just sounded like they were starting stuff and it looks like they are doing the same thing on this forum I was just on and had to block it recently. I still believe I was being cyber bullied because it seemed like they were attacking me on the internet even though they said they weren't. I don't believe them because why else would they act like that. All of sudden they tell me that I acted like I was being attacked. That made me think about things a bit more and it made me realize they were already trying to fighting with me before I got a chance to realize what was going on. This makes me glad that I block the site now and I feel relieved that I won't be going on there anymore. It is just disappointing because when I socialize most are hostile towards me but they accuse me of doing what they are doing. It happens so much that it makes it hard to socialize. Then they were telling me that I was doing this and that but they didn't know me. Just because I write stuff on the internet doesn't mean that you can figure me out. Why is it that others think they know me when they don't? I don't get it because I didn't tell anyone anything and they think they know me because of what I write about. How is that so? How can someone figure me out and play the detective when I just wrote a bunch of paragraphs? I just can't quite figure that out and I don't know if I ever will. Others will never know and understand me as much as I do myself. They can't and they just have to accept it. They need to get over figuring me out. There is no way around it and I am not sure why it becomes an obsession to want to know so much about others. Maybe it is because of social media. I don't know the answer to that and I don't want to know everything there is to know about someone because I like minding my own business. I am the opposite of what others call me and say about me. I know that for a fact. I truly believe in my heart that I love myself more than others will. I was cyber bullied online before this forum because of what I vent about and what I vented about was not real and it wasn't even about me. It was stuff I made up and then I got replies where they acted like it was real. It was just something I wrote because I wanted to do a creative writing thing and I chose the site because some sites have you do a creative vent. I chose this one site and then a lot of them flipped out on me. They thought I was hating on people when I wasn't. I believe they took things too personally and it's a shame.

2 years ago

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