I've always dreamed of doing art. Ever since I was a kid I would get sketchbooks and fill them, and I have countless notes from teachers telling me to stop drawing on homework assignments. I think I always knew I wanted to work in animation in some way, whether it be at a big company like Dreamworks or working for video game designers. I've always had stories to tell, so art and animation always seemed like a perfect fit. I found this great college in Wisconsin, the University of Stout. I live in Minnesota, and it's only 2 hours away, and it has everything I've ever wanted. All of the courses teach you practical skills that you'll need to get a job, and ever since I've heard about it I've had my heart set on it. I thought my parents would b supportive. My mom kind of is, she really believes I can do it and always encourages me, but she's also taught be about risks. I've always known that there would be risks,like if I wasn't good enough or just didn't get lucky to work somewhere, but I've practiced so hard for so long that I really believe I can do it. My dad on the other hand isn't so fond of the idea. He's the kind of person who has worked hard to get where he has his whole life, and thanks to his work he's successful and has a farm. We're gonna start building a farm house on a brand new piece of land in the spring, and while I'm not keen on moving (it's not even out of the school district, I just don't like change) I'm really excited for them. He acts like he's supportive some days, encouraging me and praising me, and other days.. it's hard. He won't stop talking about how expensive it is to go to Stout, and I know that it's expensive, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish my dream. It's taken a lot of convincing, but I already plan on going to a 2 year technical college just to get my generals done because it's cheaper (I'm not happy about it, but I understand that it's probably the best way to go about it). My parents have always said that they will not pay for any of our colleges, and that's never been an issue for me. I would never ask them to do that, yet dad thinks that I'm not able to do anything by/for myself. He thinks that I think the world is all dandelions and rainbows when I know for a fact that it sucks and it drains the life out of people. I've told him countless times that if I'm on the streets and all I had was a sketchbook I would be okay. He wants me to be like him. He never went to college and that's fine, but he acts like I'll die on the streets and he'll have to pay for everything if I go for art. He wants me mainly to go for veterinary care, but that requires way more money and schooling than art, so his backwards logic confuses me. I know he loves me. I really do. But he needs to learn that I'm capable and willing to do whatever it takes to be happy and successful in what I want to do. My brother is almost as bad (like father, like son, I guess). We've never seen eye to eye, and we constantly tease eachother but he's my baby brother and I would do anything for him. At the same time, I want to strangle him, because he acts like I'm a good for nothing leach. He brings up my sleep schedule (which, admittedly, is fucked up, but there's not much I can do to change it.) He acts like he's above me just because he helps out around the farm more than I do, when I have made it clear from the start that I want nothing to do with it. He's so damn mean, and I get that he's a teenage boy, but that doesn't excuse anything. He gets angry that I want to go to college for something I've poured my heart and soul into, instead berating me for not wanting to work from dawn till dusk out in fields until the day I die. He gets mad that I don't enjoy guns or shooting, when he knows damn well that if I knew how to use and shoot a gun, that if I had one bad day I would probably kill myself (mental illness is very fun, what with Autism, ADHD, OCD, and Depression. All clinically diagnosed. He's literally watched me be dragged off to the hospital by our parents because I wanted to die so badly.) I don't even know the passcode to the safe. It's hard. I know that my mom supports me, and that everyone wants what's best for me, but what my dad/brother think is best for me is actually very different than what I know in my heart is best. It sucks. I've worked so hard, quitting my part time job less than a month ago because I was miserable, always coming home in pain and tired and crabby. I was lost for a bit, but I have an interview in 2 days for another job that pays 75 cents more, with much less physical work. Dad doesn't think it's enough. Nothing I ever do will be good enough for him. I've known that for a while, especially since Nick was born. Dad suffers from "only son syndrome", where Nick is perfect because he's exactly like him, and me and my older sister are... not. I'm at a loss. Mom came and talked to me, saying that dad loves me and all that bullshit, but I'm at the end of my rope.

1 year ago

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