I’ve written on here once before. I wrote about the shit I had to go through in my life. It was a long post. But today I’m writing because I don’t know what to think about a particular situation. So in my other post, I explained I had a lot of childhood trauma. And both my parents were at fault but my biological father is in prison for what he did in my childhood and in others. My mom acts like she was the savior from my trauma. But she honestly should have had prison time for how much she contributed, but to her was it was just denial. Anyways, I never had a stable foundation for myself. I had to create it through myself. I would draw, paint, and I would do this locked up in my room. My childhood bedroom was my safe space. Whenever my mom would bring new boyfriends home, I would lock myself in my room and hide in the closet and just cry. Not that they were going to do anything to me like my biological father did, but I she never gave me time to process that I was sexually abused by him. So any male in the house freaked me out. As I got older she basically made me move out at 17, another long story, but I’m 22 now. I still am not in a place where I can get everything I need out of there, most of it I’ve gotten. But I never really got to grab my art and journals, just really personal stuff that I might not know is still there (I used to cut myself and I don’t know if I got rid of all that). And she said this week she’s going to box everything up and move it to the garage. I feel so weird, I feel betrayed. That’s the only safe pace I had growing up, and she just thinks it’s just stuff, but it’s more. I don’t even know really how to put it in words but when I heard that she wanted to do that I felt so dead inside. I made it my safe haven. And maybe I’m overreacting but ever since she got remarried she’s been changing the whole house. I feel like a stranger in that house even more, but not in my old room. Can someone please give me some advice? And please don’t give me the “You moved out, so they can do anything.” I know this. I do, it just feels like a piece of me would be dying if she did move it. I was 17, and wasn’t prepared to move out and still struggle because of it. I moved out without a license nor a car, and I’m getting to get things together but I don’t have room for my things from my old room yet. Even just a delay would be nice until I can take all that I need. I just don’t understand and I do somewhat why I feel so attached to that room. It’s legitimately making me really upset. How do I let go?

2 years ago

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