no matter what i do i'm still not good enough. i get told to do well in school and finish assignments but when i'm doing that i get told to do it later and do this and that and when they see i'm not doing my assignments i'm always told to do it but i get lazy and procrastinate because they made me tired and with all these lectures "when you get older you're gonna get fired for not completing your job" they don't understand that i'm still growing and learning things and fixing my mistakes, i'm still growing to become more mature, i'm not always the same in other places, i'm not who you think i am. they're not with me all the time so how could they say that i'm a slacker and that i don't pay attention in class when they're not with me! i'm trying to get better in school and improve but it doesn't seem enough for them and they want to expect more from me. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO! i feel tired at the end of the day but can't get any rest because i'm told to do stuff and when i get to rest i get called "lazy" how would they know how i'm feeling when they're not me, they're not experiencing what i'm going through, they're not trying to get my feelings. there's much i can do but i feel like i can't do anything. they think i'm a happy child but that's only because i force a smile so i don't get questions about my life. what do i have to do so they could get ME. i already told them that i get pressured but it doesn't seem to matter to them. they say i shouldn't stay up at night on my phone but what i really do at night is overthink, have breakdowns in tears, have to study, and have to keep up with my social life or i'll end up having no one there for me. when people see me they think i'm having a good life just because of how i act and that smile on my face but deep down inside i know i'm not okay and i'm just pushing myself until i hit the limit and when my body can't take it in anymore and can't hold back and i know not soon but someday i will have all my feelings come out and express all of them that i have been keeping in just burst into tears because that's who i am that's my personality type and there's nothing that can change that so don't be expecting me to follow your steps and become just like you because that's never gonna happen i'm my own person and no one else. they could try and convince themselves that i'm gonna be just like them when i get older but they're wrong i have different goals and dreams compared to what they want.
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