there was a girl.. a friend of my best friend whom my best friend likes a lot.. we weren't acquaintance a few months ago but then.. idk if I can call it fortunately or unfortunately.. we got to study in the same institution.. and eventually we came close(not sex though).. things weren't going well between my friend and her.. I was a hope to her and in this lonely life of mine she was an angel.. now comes the hateful part.. the girl I used to like before all these.. she came in the scene.. there're some basic differences between liking someone and loving someone.. unfortunately in this short period of time I didn't fall in love with either of them.. so I got confused.. my heart said to "no don't let your present slip out of our hand" and my brain said "lol.. didn't you like her before all these?".. I said things to both of them that I shouldn't have said.. which apparently made me look like I was trying to hold onto both of them at the same time.. well.. the thing is, you get what you fucking deserve.. and I wasn't an exception.. they both got to know about this and left.. I can't blame anybody but me for this.. I got called cheater, disloyal, playboy etc. and I kinda know that maybe I am even though I don't want to be.. I don't have the courage to tell them anything about my confusion because that'd sound like total bullshit.. so I just left without saying anything.. I asked myself nights after nights what I actually want.. whom do I wanna cling to.. and yesterday I made my mind to hold onto my present(which is now past).. then I opened facebook after 44 days to text her and ask for a chance to prove myself.. then I saw my friend's post about a meme and I saw a comment there where my friend is saying "I know I'm not good enough" and she replied " but you're everything to me".. first I laughed then I was gonna cry but my chest felt too heavy that I could not breath.. again I remembered you get what you fucking deserve.. I don't hate her for anything as it was all my fault.. I still have an earring of her she left on bus and a pen she gave me and never took back.. I hope she finds peace what I couldn't deliver.. I'm not writing this because I want pity.. I just want somebody to judge me.. all my life I've judged none but myself.. so I want someone to judge me who hasn't judged me yet.. thank you

2 years ago

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